Research Study on Pregnancy Loss

The Institute of Reproductive Grief Care is conducting a study on pregnancy loss.

See our site for more information

Build Support

As you work through your abortion experience, it will be helpful to reach out to others for support. The importance of telling your story to another person and receiving their support as you explore your emotions and begin grieving your losses cannot be overestimated.

Step 1:

In the space provided, you can write the names of the people you're considering to be part of your support system. This list can be revised later.

Step 2:

After you've listed some potential support members, here are some questions you can ask yourself to reflect on each individual and their ability to support you.

Will this person protect my confidentiality?

Has this person ever shared confidential information that I’ve told them in the past?

If this person has shared other confidential information, it may be best to seek out a person who has shown that they can be trusted with personal information.

Is this person a good listener?

Does this person automatically offer their opinion or advice?

Does this person always seem busy or have a busy schedule?

A member of your support system should have the ability to listen well, ask questions if clarification is needed, and care for your overall well-being. Consider whether or not you’ve had difficulty with this person being a good listener in the past.

Will this person be honest with you if they don’t have the resources to be the support you need?

Will this person support you in finding other resources, such as support groups or professional resources, if they think this is in your best interest?

Sometimes a member of your support system may be aware that they are not equipped to adequately support you. This person needs to have honest and open communication skills and be willing to admit their limitations in helping you find the support you need.

Was this person involved in the abortion experience?

Keep in mind that some family members or friends may also be experiencing troubling emotions about the abortion. Until you’ve both dealt with the emotions and losses related to the abortion, it’s best to seek someone else to be a part of your support system.

Does this person have strong political beliefs about abortion?

Is this person an activist on either side of the issue?

A person’s political beliefs or activism neither qualifies nor disqualifies them from being a part of your support system. However, it’s important to consider whether a person will be able to look beyond their beliefs to respect your feelings and support you throughout your healing journey.

Step 3:

After reviewing the questions above, you may want to remove some people from the list, and you may want to add others. As a concrete step, you may want to contact at least one person from your list today. This step will take some courage, but you can do it. You are not alone in your healing journey.

Possible Reactions from Family Members or Friends

Keep in mind that when you reveal a past abortion, a person's initial reaction may not be what you'd hoped.

If the abortion was a secret, then the person may be shocked, hurt, or even upset.

If the person knew about the abortion, then they may be surprised to learn it's still affecting you.

Don't take their reaction - or lack of reaction - personally.

Because abortion is rarely talked about, it's normal for people to be confused about what to do or say. However, in most cases the person will overcome their initial awkwardness and support you throughout your journey.

You can help the members of your support system overcome their discomfort by sharing with them some specific ways that they can help you. If this subject is new to them, you may also want to refer them to this website.

In those cases where a person isn't able to offer you the support you need, don't give up! You may want to approach another family member or friend on your list, or you may choose to seek support and counsel from a spiritual counselor, a trained peer counselor, or a professional therapist instead.